These are the first words that I wrote regarding our story. Little did I know of the journey that we were about to embark on. A time of many emotions and thoughts. A time when friends and family were supporting us in more ways than we could image. A time of unexpected surprises and moments.
The following words came to me the day after our Jethro was born. I knew that we were in for something that was going to transform our lives. I knew that we would never be the same no matter the outcome of our situation.
It is 7:20pm and these are the first words to a story that is yet to be written by human hands. Yet a story written before the creation of the world.
Jethro Pax is lying in the NICU. If he is granted to us, then God is good. If he is called home, then God is good.
Should we believe a promise of healing? Should we believe in praying for a miracle? Should we question the why? Will God grant us our request to restore our baby Jethro Pax? These are the questions running through our minds.
This is definitely one of the most difficult times of our lives. A time where fear lingers at the door. A time where pain attacks our hearts. A time where our spirits seek for greater purpose and meaning.
As we write these words, we patiently wait for the story that has already been written before creation.
I won’t lie. It’s still very difficult to go about our day-to-day knowing that our Jethro will never be with us in this life. When the thoughts of “what if” come to mind–it becomes even harder to bear the pain. I know with certainty that him not being with us has a very special meaning and reason–I just don’t know what that is.
Understanding and believing that everything will work for good gives me great peace and comfort. I know that his life had a very unique and special impact in many people.
I like to think that God loved him so much that He just couldn’t wait to hang out with our little Jet.